34 Years

This week I celebrated my 34th wedding anniversary, to a girl I met in high school.  She was not my high school sweetheart, although I loved her madly from afar from the first moment I saw her.  She did become my friend while at school, and years later, we started dating.  It took us until we were 31 years old, but we were finally married.

One of the hardest things I ever had to do happened a couple of years ago, at a choir recital we called "Music for the Soul" based on the writings of Robert Fulghum.  My health over the years has taken a lot from me.  I have trouble walking.  I suffer from neurological disorders that cause pain in my arms and legs, which can be acute at times.  Once upon a time I was a working actor with the various skills you might think an actor should have in their toolbox.  Now all I have left is a decent speaking voice.  My choir director generously called me the James Earl Jones of the chorus.  Whenever we needed to incorporate a reading into a performance, I was usually called upon to deliver it. 

The hard thing I mentioned was reading this excerpt by Fulghum about the actor, Charles Boyer, who is pictured above.  It was almost impossible for me to get through the piece, because it describes perfectly exactly how I feel about the woman I married 34 years ago.  This was it:

"This is kind of personal.  It may get a little syrupy, so watch out.  It started as a note to my wife.  And then I thought that since some of you might have husbands or wives (or life partners) and might feel the same way, I’d pass it along.  I don’t own this story, anyway.  Charles Boyer does.

"Remember Charles Boyer?  Suave, dapper, handsome, graceful.  Lover of the most famous and beautiful ladies of the silver screen.  That was on camera and in the fan magazines.  In real life it was different.

"There was only one woman.  For forty-four years. His wife, Patricia.  Friends said it was a lifelong love affair. They were no less lovers and friends and companions after forty-four years than after the first year.

"Then Patricia developed cancer of the liver.  And though the doctors told Charles, he could not bear to tell her.  And so he sat by her bedside to provide hope and cheer.  Day and night for six months.  He could not change the inevitable.  Nobody could.  And Patricia died in his arms.  Two days later Charles Boyer was also dead.  By his own hand.  He said he did not want to live without her.  He said, 'Her love was life to me.'

"This was no movie. As I said, it’s the real story—Charles Boyer’s story.

"It’s not for me to pass judgment on how he handled his grief.  But it is for me to say that I am touched and comforted in a strange way.  Touched by the depth of love behind the apparent sham of Hollywood love life.  Comforted to know that two people can love each other that much, that long.

"I don’t know how I would handle my grief in similar circumstances.  I pray I shall never have to stand in his shoes. (Here comes the personal part—no apologies.)  But there are moments when I look across the room—amid the daily ordinariness of life—and see the person I call my wife and friend and companion. And I understand why Charles Boyer did what he did.  It really is possible to love someone that much.  I know.  I’m certain of it."

And I do know.  And I am certain of it.  I used to say, the heck with Romeo and Juliet; I want a love like Gomez and Morticia.  I got even luckier than that, though.  I have a love like Charles and Patricia.

Happy anniversary, sweetheart.

In Memoriam: Stan Lee

This is a hard one.  I had the privilege of meeting Stan Lee at the Baltimore Comic-Con in 2012.  I only got to spend a minute or two with him, but he was absolutely wonderful about it.  I had a little elevator speech for Stan, down to under a minute, but I guess his handlers thought that was too much and tried to move things along.  Stan interrupted them with an, "Excuse me, I'm talking here!" like the good Bronx boy he was and we got to finish our little moment and have our picture taken.

Getting to have that minute with Stan was very important to me.  You see, Stan's work at Marvel Comics in the 1960's had a huge influence on me.  Everything I learned about how to be a man, how to be a good person, I learned from Stan Lee.  Not just "with great power comes great responsibility" (although that is itself a powerful lesson for a 10-year-old kid) but also that real heroes do what needs to be done without regard to cost to self or to inconvenience.  You stop to help that lost kid even if it means missing that job interview.  You help that little old lady even if it makes you late for a date and costs you a relationship.  You do the right thing.

I'm saying all this incredibly poorly.  I grew up in a house where my father, my one male role model, was a violent and abusive man who lied to his family and stole from his work.  On several occasions he lost his job because he was caught stealing from the company, petty stuff we could have afforded to be honest about.  I could list his sins for pages, but the bottom line is that I didn't learn much about how to live a good life, or to be a good father or even a good person from my own dad.

But I did learn that stuff from Stan, and I got to thank him for it.  He seemed to be appreciative, but I know I am only one of many, many fans who told him much the same thing.  Stan made the world a better place for his being in it, and I'm glad I got to meet him.

Eastern Stupid, er, Standard Time

So tonight we once again set ourselves up for Springtime jet-lag by messing with the clocks.  I used to think this was absolutely the dumbest thing we did as a society.  Then we elected Trump.  But I digress....

Every year I hope this is for the last time.  If our fearless cheeto-faced gibbon of a leader really wanted to make a difference in our lives via an executive order, he would end this stupidity and just keep us on Saving Time year-round.  I don't need the sun to go down at 4:00 PM here.  Ever.  Yet, here we are.

Write your legislators, folks.  This is actually one stupid thing that we can fix.  Morocco this year (Morocco!) agreed that the whole idea is stupid and is not changing their clocks.

MOROCCO CANCELS TIME CHANGE

Surely we are at least as smart as they are?  Please??

OUCH!

Sorry to have been away.  Sprained my lower back.  For several days I was completely incapacitated. As things stand now ("stand" HA.) I can only remain upright for short periods of time before muscle spasms start up again.  Nights have been impossible; can't remember when I got more than an hour of sleep uninterrupted.  This is gonna take time, and I simply do not heal the way I did even as few as five years ago.  So I'll be back when I can.

Meanwhile, please remember:

VOTE on Tuesday, November 6th.

If a sudden emergency calls you away from your polling place, be it illness or an unplanned trip for your work, here in PA you can request an emergency absentee ballot.  Details available from the League of Women Voters.  Don't let your vote go uncounted.

If you are still in line when the polls close, you still have the right to cast your ballot.  They are legally required to stay open until everyone who lined up before closing time has voted.  Demand your right if it turns out to be necessary.

If you get to your polling place and find that for some reason you have been removed from the voter rolls, you have the right to demand a provisional ballot.  Don't be afraid to do it.  In PA the criteria for provisional ballot voting can be found at https://www.votespa.com/Voting-in-PA/Pages/Voting-by-Provisional-Ballot.aspx

VOTE!

Doctor Who Season 12!

My "countdown widget" has finally up and failed altogether.  Hence, this announcement:

The season premiere of Doctor Who will premiere all over the world at 1:45 PM Eastern Time on Sunday, October 7th.

The premiere will also be available in selected theatres.  Check your local area movie houses to see if they are participating if you want to see it on the Big Screen.

Again:  The first woman to play the Doctor will begin her tenure on Sunday, October 7, 2018 at 1:45 PM.

Woohoo!!

Remembering 9/11

(From the quickly-dumped Spider-Man movie trailer.)

It's hard to believe so much time has passed since the 9/11 tragedy.  I was a new stay-at-home dad; my daughter had just gone off to elementary school and I was cleaning house with the television on in the background.  It was playing some NYC-based network morning show -- I honestly don't remember which one, but I think it may have been CBS This Morning -- with a view of the city behind the newsreader's desk.  I just happened to glance up to see the first plane plow into the tower.  Like most of us, for that first few minutes, I assumed that it had been a horrible accident.  Then I saw the second crash, live, and I knew something horrible was going down.

The hardest thing about that day was trying to explain to a first-grader what was going on.  The weirdest thing was the quiet skies for the rest of that week.

It's nice that enough time has passed that media can bear to show images of the twin towers.  A trailer for the then-new first Spider-Man movie was quickly yanked because it showed Spidey catching a helicopter in a web he'd spun between the two towers.  Ghostbusters went away for a while because of the painful views of the city which showed the towers prominently in the skyline.  And other movies either quietly went away or were re-edited to remove the images of the World Trade Center because the pictures were just too painful to look at.

I'm glad that enough time has passed that we can look at those beautiful buildings again.  I still get a little pang when I see them.  As a kid growing up in Jersey, I remember when the towers were built and I saw them go up in stages on our frequent trips to the City.  I remember my first trip to the observationd deck there, and I still have the squashed penny from one of those dorky souvenir machines that shows them.  I myself did experience a pang the first time I saw them in a film afterwards, but it was nothing like the first trip I took to NYC afterwards, when they were no longer part of the skyline with which I had become so familiar.  That was a blow right to my heart.

But an important part of "Never Forget" for me is recognizing what an achievement those buildings were, and honoring their beauty and their memory.  9/11 will always be the Pearl Harbor of my generation, but it should never mean that we don't bring ourselves to look at what we lost.  Remembering is the best way to give honor.

Constitutional Reform

This is more than a little arrogant of me.  At the end of the day, I'm just an occasional blogger with a forum whose name comes from a medium-popular comic book.  I am not, nor have I ever claimed to be, a political scientist.  And yet when I look around, it seems to me that a big part of the current division and tension in American society stems from the fact that our Constitution is, at best, outdated.  We are in desperate need of constitutional reform, and sadly, I don't see it ever, ever happening, not when we need two-thirds of the states and the Congress to make any changes happen.  Hell, we couldn't even amend the current document to call for equal rights for women....

I think we need some common-sense changes.  Nothing too radical or socialist, just...common sense.

1. The duties and requirements of the office of President need to be specifically spelled out.  The "gentleman's agreement" of things like disposing of assets into a trust has clearly failed in the Trump era.  It needs to be written into the Constitution that the President must place into trust all business and financial interests until such time as he leaves office.  The emoluments clause needs to be clarified.  Every time a foreign dignitary or lobbyist stays in a hotel owned by the President's business interests, it is a potential violation of that clause, and the potential for abuse is enormous.  That abuse needs to be eliminated.  Candidates for the office MUST release their taxes by no later than one month prior to the election.  Likewise, it needs to be specifically stated that the President's pardon powers do not extend to him/herself.  Yes, it's completely ridiculous that we even need to spell this out, but here we are.  In a society where we have to tell people "do not take this medicine if you are allergic to it," we apparently also have to tell the President that no, you can't commit crimes and then forgive yourself for them.

2. The Electoral College needs to go, entirely.  We currently do not have a "one person, one vote" democracy.  Because of the College, a vote from a state with sparse population counts almost twice as much as a vote from a more populated state.  It is grossly unfair, and it is why we have had three elections in my lifetime (so far) where the candidate who made it into the office of the Presidency had LOST the popular vote.  There is sufficient protection for these states in the Senate, in that they have equal representation with all the other states.  Their citizens' votes in elections should not be counted more than others.  Currently (like it or not, Don) the majority of U.S. citizens do not have the President for whom they voted.  We no longer live in an agrarian society where news takes weeks to travel back home from the Capitol.  The Electoral College has outlived its usefulness.  Let the popular vote decide the winner.

3. Term limits for Congress.  No more professional politicians.  Twelve years is enough time for public service for anyone.  Two terms for Senators, six for Congresspersons.  Let Congress get back to the business of caring for the people's needs instead of raising money to keep their jobs.  Let's have a Congress made up of a diverse group of citizens again -- not just lawyers.  Congress was perfectly OK with limiting the Presidency to two terms after Roosevelt.  They should do the same for themselves.

4. We need a Consitutional requirement that vacancies in the Supreme Court be filled as soon as possible.  Congress should never have had the power to hold a seat on the Court vacant for a year.  Spell it out to make it illegal for things like McConnell's stunt to ever happen again.  And yes, although I am left-leaning, I would have been equally outraged if the Democratic Congress had tried this same stunt with President Bush.  It's not right.  The Supreme Court vacancies should not be tied to the election cycle.  (One exception, and it will take a sharper legal mind than mine to figure out the details--it should be expressly forbidden for a sitting President to nominate a judge while that President is under an investigation that might result in that same judge deciding the case for or against that President.  Current events once again seem to make this convoluted circumstance a necessity.)

Think about it.  Most of the strife in our current non-democracy is caused by one or more of the situations remedied above.  Is it a perfect solution?  No.

But will any of it ever happen?  Sadly, also -- no.

Opting Out

I wish there was a way to opt out of our massive consumer culture without opting out of civilization altogether.  Does Amazon.com know how utterly creepy it is to find spam email trying to sell me something I casually looked at on another site??  It's truly a major invasion of privacy.

I use a VPN.  I clean tracking software every time I use my browser.  And yet somehow, despite my not inconsiderable precautions, after a brief respite of peace, I find new ads and spam in my inbox because somebody somewhere has figured out a new way to do an end run around my privacy barrier.

Since Amazon and the others apparently have their bots look at everything I do, let me say this:  LEAVE ME ALONE.  Your algorithms suck.  You have never successfully shown me something I am interested in, and never successfully extrapolated something I might like to buy.  Never.  Not once.  Your creepy-assed intrusions make me LESS likely to purchase anything from you, not more likely.

I am, sadly, still maintaining a Facebook account.  As I explained once before, part of my duties as the recording secretary for the board of a small local choral group includes updating and monitoring our Facebook page, and you can't be an admin on a page there without an account.  (I can't wait until it's somebody else's job.) For all their recent ads on how they're going to better, I can tell you that Facebook is full of shit.  I still see pop-up ads for products I looked at elsewhere -- on a page for a non-profit community choral group! -- and Facebook itself nags me on a daily basis for money to boost our posts and our likes.  We don't NEED 1,200 more views and likes.  We're not growing a business.  All we need is to have  single place to remind 40 people that we have a rehearsal on Monday.  Facebook knows this.  They still send me daily notifications, and I have to check all of them out on the unlikely chance that it's one or our members or fans with an actual question.  When I do, it's a noodge from Facebook reminding me that my readers haven't heard from me in "a while."  (Usually this comes in 24 hours after a post.)

I don't NEED to spam our members or our fans.  I don't NEED to access their contacts so that we can spam those people.  We don't need to spam anyone.  I want to be part of the chorus that people want to come listen to, not one that people curse at because we're filling their inboxes with bullshit.

Internet, go back to being a public utility.  It's what you do best.  The power company doesn't nag me to buy more light bulbs, and the phone company doesn't nag me to put an extension line in every room of my home.  Take a page from them, and leave me the Hell alone.

Been Quiet

Sorry I've been away for so long.  I realize that since my leaving Facebook, this is the only way some of my friends have of keeping up contact with me, and I have been more than somewhat lax in making regular updates.

The sad truth is that there hasn't been much to report.

We did go away for a couple of weeks in July to spend some time with my sister and friends in Italy.  We do this every few years, as finances and circumstances permit, and it's always a great way to recharge, especially for my hardworking better half.  As you can see from the picture above, my sister outdid herself this year as far as location is concerned.

But other than a nice time away, there isn't much to say.

I'm tired of political rants.  I still believe that our current government is the most monstrous mistake that our electorate has ever made, but I despair of it ever being corrected.  Thanks to corruption and interference, it may not even be corrected at the ballot box; I've heard more than a few disturbing rumblings that we might just forego the next Presidential election and keep His Royal Orangeness in the White House indefinitely.  But there I go again, and what is blogging about it going to do, apart from maybe getting me on some FBI list as unfriendly?  There is no political will to oppose the current regime, nor power by the opposition to do so.  So I'd just be adding to the cacaphony.

I could rant about my health, but again, this is something I cannot change.  Most days I seem to be responding to treatment.  The occasional bad day is a slam out of left field, but I spend that day chained to my bathroom, it passes, and life goes on.  Again, nothing worthy of note.

So if you're a friend and wondering what's up with me, the best thing to do is to shoot me an email over at thayes713@gmail.com or to DM me on my Instagram; my handle there is tomglfan.  I'm most likely to see a message at one of those two places.  Clearly I'm here only intermittently, and Facebook is dead for me, just as Twitter is about to be.

I'm sure I'll be back here when I get so pissed off about something that only an essay will let me vent properly, but in the meanwhile, have a fabulous day.  Talk to you soon -- Tom

In These Troubled Times....

...this always makes me smile.  Here's hoping it does for you as well!

via GIPHY

Worse and Worse

(Click on the above image for an expanded view if you can't read it.)

When I was a kid, this was the kind of thing that showed up in the comics I was reading.  Yes, there was apparently a need for Superman to remind people to have more empathy for refugees.  But the kids he was lecturing to were appalled at the conditions of the refugee camp.  As anyone would have been, a mere 15-20 years after World War II.

That America is dead.

Despite all the grief Baby Boomers are getting, most of us, I think, are horrified by the very idea of putting people into camps, of ripping children from families at our borders, and of pathetically attempting to justify this behavior with selective quotations from the Bible.

This is not who we were.  It shouldn't be who we are.  We never used to be a nation that reveled in Nazi rallies, or that chanted things like "Build a wall!" and "Lock her up!"

But we are now.  And it's disgusting.  I can only imagine all the people sneering now at a sentiment like, "You can help too, by being friendly...."

Instead we have a president who admires a foreign dictator's ability to make his people sit up at attention.  Who wishes he could make his people do that.  We have citizens who don't care what their demagogue burns down, because it's worth it to them to see how upset it makes "elitist liberals."  Because cutting off your nose to spite your own face is now seen as a good thing.

People -- this is NOT OK.

This is not going to change unless we step up to change it.  We have to throw these monsters out.  For the love of what this country used to be, and could be again, register to vote, NOW, and vote against them in November.  This is no longer about party.  This is about who we are, who we want to be, who we could be again.  The Republican party has shown zero interest or ability to check abuses and stand up for what is right and decent.  They need to go.  Screw "#NotAllRepublicans."  They have had numerous chances to say, "No, you can't do that, not here," and have declined to do so, in the interest of keeping their jobs.  Our politicians have not had much interest in representing us.  Their job is no longer serving people, their job is to get re-elected to their jobs.  Every two years we have the opportunity to send the entire House of Representatives packing, along with a third of the Senate, and we always fail to do so.  That needs to change.

We used to think we were the greatest country in the world.  We are not.  Probably we never were.  But as we turn our backs on former allies, insult our neighbors, start trade wars and close our borders, we diminish ourselves to everyone.  More and more of us are ashamed to be American.  And we are right to feel that way, as long as nothing is done to check the abuses inflicted by our current government.  As long as those abuses continue, America will continue to be nothing more than a blot on the world landscape.

There.

I said it.

Come at me.

NFL and the Anthem

Today the NFL owners, with ZERO input from the players' union, laid down their new policy with regard to taking the knee during the National Anthem at NFL games.  I hope it winds up in the courts real soon, because it sure as hell looks like an infringement on freedom of speech to me.

Basically, the policy states that players must stand for the anthem, or remain in the locker room.  No disrespect for the anthem or the flag will be tolerated, and teams ignore the policy at their peril.  Violators WILL be fined.  I assume this means both teams and individuals.

I should have expected a response this tone-deaf from a bunch of rich white guys, but even in this age of Trump, I keep hoping for the best from people.  And I keep being disappointed by them.

First of all, taking the knee during the national anthem has absolutely nothing to do with the flag.  Let's state this again:  Taking the knee during the national anthem has absolutely nothing to do with disrespecting the American flag.

Players, particularly those of color, began taking the knee during the anthem as a way of pointing out the inequities in American society, especially within the justice system, which inordinately and negatively affect people of color.  Those broad stripes and bright stars are not the same for everybody, and the players got sick of pretending that they are, especially since they the ones essentially providing gladiatorial entertainment for the American masses.

Recent tragic events provide a classic example of what I mean.  The tragedy at the Texas high school this week which resulted in eight dead students and two dead faculty was perpetrated by a white man.  A white man, in a long black trenchcoat, armed.  Yet law enforcement managed to take him alive.  Contrast that with the tragedy of Philando Castile, who did not survive a TRAFFIC STOP, despite being calm and polite and compliant.  Compare that with Milwaukee Bucks player Sterling Brown who was tased and arrested over a parking violation.

No white family I know of has to have "the talk" with their children on how to survive an encounter with police.  Police for white kids are their friends and someone to turn to in time of trouble.  To a kid of color, they are a hazard to be negotiated, or a danger that many do not survive.

I believe that the players have a right to protest their views in any way that seems fit to them.  I believe that their right to free speech and free expression has been grossly infringed upon by this new policy.  I realize that during this age of jingoism and Trump, to force players to either stand or remove themselves has great appeal for the Trump base, who probably also watch a lot of football.  It doesn't make it right.

While I have never been a huge fan of football, for a variety of reasons both personal and political, I will be boycotting the game and its sponsors until this egregious infringement on the right of free speech is rescinded.  This should not be allowed to stand, folks.

Lies, I Tell You! It's All Lies!

(photo courtesy of the League of American Bicyclists)

I imagine that most of us have seen Facebook's new advertisements, either online or on television, about how things were good and then went wrong, but now they're going to make it all better by getting back to basics and connecting us as friends again.

Bullshit.

I manage the Facebook page for one of my local choral groups, Harrisburg's River City Singers.  (Hence the picture of the Susquehanna River above!)  It's part of my duties as secretary for the board of the RCS, and it is the only reason I maintain a FaceBook account.  I have long since deleted my personal information and personal photos from FaceBook.  But I can't be an admin for the RCS page without an account, so until a new board and new officers take over, I'm stuck.

I can, however, tell you that managing this page has been an eye-opening experience.  And then some.

On an almost daily basis, I receive messages and notifications from FaceBook on how I can expand the range of the River City Singers posts for a small fee.  We have a concert coming up this Sunday, and just now FaceBook offered to "boost" my event to 13K accounts for a mere $30.

We rehearse and perform in a small UCC church.  It seats maybe 150 people.  We use the church not because of any religious affiliations or reasons, but because the RENT IS FREE and they let us use the hall for performances FOR NOTHING.  We don't even have to split the take when we pass the hat.  The $30 that FB wants would by sheet music for ten of our members.

In short, we are a small local group, building a nice following through word of mouth, and do not in any way, shape or form need to spam 13,000 fellow FaceBook users.  The fact that FaceBook itself is incessantly asking us to do so reveals the depth of their insincerity.

A Big Ol' Thank You!

Thanks to every asshole out there who assumed that we all stood in line for the first showing of "Avengers: Infinity War" and published their thoughts, their plot analyses, and their lists of who did what and who didn't this past week.  I feel like I've already seen the movie, and now, if I choose to go, it'll feel like an old comfortable friend, with no surprises whatsoever.  I'm sure glad I waited for the crowds to die down a little before I go!!

You assholes.  MARK YOUR BLOGS IF THEY CONTAIN SPOILERS!!!

The River City Singers

(Photo courtesy of Kathleen Daugherty.)

That's us, Harrisburg's newest choral group, the River City Singers.  I'm the big mook in the back in the pink shirt.

You might remember me saying that the only reason I am not able to leave Facebook completely is that I manage the choral group FB page.  It's part of my duties as Secretary of the organization, along with minutes of the board meeting, minutes of meetings of the general membership, and thank-you letters to donors.  The photo is from our most recent concert, which raised us $400.00.  That will buy sheet music as well as refill the scholarship fund.  (We are open to all, but if you can pay, we do have dues twice annually, spring and fall seasons, to help cover music and rental costs.  If you can't pay, you still sing with us; your dues come out of that aforementioned scholarship fund.)

It's a good bunch with a good mix of voices.  We actually have five baritones, three basses, six tenors, six altos and eight sopranos, which makes for a nice blend.  Our musical co-directors have decades of experience between them conducting choral groups.  They know their stuff.

Working for this bunch and promoting our agenda of "singing for those who have no voice" makes it worth being stuck in Facebook for a while longer.

Just To Clarify: A Facebook Departure Postscript

OK, a number of people have reacted negatively and strongly to my decision to leave Facebook.  The main reasons are that:  I should have known better; the fine print in the user agreements spelled out the potential data mining; I should have realized that when the product is "free" you are the product; and on and on and on, ad nauseam.

No.

Respectfully, no.

I did read all of those user agreements.  Which is why I never used either the Facebook app or the Messenger app.  Never.  I was never comfortable with giving those apps access to my contacts, to my phone records, or to my Friends List.  When I used Facebook at all, it was on my home computer, which uses a Virtual Private Network, using my Internet browser to access the Facebook website directly, or on the Internet browser on my smartphone, which was set up in similar fashion.  To repeat:  I never used the apps.  Never.

Likewise, I never signed up for, or played, Words With Friends, Farmville, Candy Crush, Mafia Wars, or any of the others.  The one bit of silliness I engaged in was Superpoke in my early Facebook days; and yes, I did throw the occasional sheep at a friend.  That was it.

To clarify, then -- this is why I left:  Despite my personal caution, my data was ripped out of Facebook because not all of my friends exercised the same level of paranoia.  I did not give anybody my permission to take, or to use, this data.  It was stolen, using my friends as a conduit and means of entry.  It was digital burglary.  (Originally, I wanted to use a different crime but then I realized how insensitive and triggering that was.  Nonetheless, the level of violation that I feel is comparable to how you feel when you come home to find your home burglarized.  Or worse.)

There is no way to be compensated for this.  I do not believe that either the apologies or the imminent safeguards promised by Facebook are sufficient.  So I chose to vote, as they say, with my feet.

I left.

I also want to be absolutely clear on something else :  I have absolutely no ill feelings towards any of my family or friends who may have been used to get to my data profile.  It is not their fault, any more than it would be their fault if my home was burglarized while they were holding on to a spare front door key.  The thieves didn't use their loaner key to rob me.  To continue that analogy, what the thieves did was to use a stolen address book to find out where I live.  The only person who bears the guilt and the blame is the burglar.

So I did what I would do in real life:  I have bolstered my security.  I haven't sold my house, but I got an unlisted number.

In other words, I left.

I hope that clears things up some.

So Long. Good-Bye, Auf Wiedersehn, All-Done-Bye-Bye

I am leaving Facebook.  It is with no small amount of sadness that I say this.  Like most of us, I came to use Facebook as a way to hear from and about those of you that I don’t get to see every day.  Some of you are family.  Some of you are old, dear friends from high school.  Some are the first adult friends I ever made at University.  Many of you are on the other side of the world from me, in Australia, New Zealand and Japan, among other places.  Many of you are the best friends I never met, from the old X-Philes Anonymous message boards from the 1990’s, with whom I was miraculously able to reconnect here.  (As Dorothy said to the Scarecrow, I think I’ll miss you most of all.)

It really did feel like a miracle, to find so many of you fine people here again.  Imagine:  not having to wait for a college reunion or a high school newsletter (or an “X-Files” anniversary!) to hear from you and to see what you all are up to.  It seemed like it was worth all the other nonsense just to see what art was being created or what your grown children were filming, or creating, or achieving.  It was worth all the links to silly memes or to odd videos or to outrageous stories, just to feel like I had a connection, however tenuous, to the lives you were all living, all over the country and the world.   It was worth it just to hear from you again and to know that you were all right, and to share your joys or help bear your sorrows.

But things have come to a tipping point for me.  The recent revelations from Facebook and from Cambridge Analytica are just too much of an invasion of privacy for me.  The lack of moral principle that led to this abuse of personal information is deeply disturbing.  The way that Facebook in particular made it difficult to secure privacy has been bothering me for quite a while — why is it so hard to find and change certain settings?  Why is the user interface so draconian? — so I find myself in the position of feeling compelled to leave.  At the end of the day, all we can do is vote with either our feet or our wallets, and since WE are the product on Facebook, that leaves only walking away.

I will miss hearing from and about all of you.  If anyone cares, I will still maintain my occasional blog here at “Citizen of Oa” (http://www.oancitizen.blogspot.com) and my email at thayes713@gmail.com.  I also occasionally post to my Instagram at @tomglfan and you can reach me there if you choose.  My Facebook page will have to remain active for a while, since part of my duties as secretary of a community chorus require me to update that page from time to time and I must have a Facebook account in order to do so, but I won’t be checking on my personal page, and as soon as we elect a new tech-savvy secretary to take over those duties, I am gone for good.  

So, in no particular order — Dave, you were the best friend a lonely kid could ever have, and I don’t deserve you.  

Cheryl, thank you for sharing all of the beautiful art you create.  

Kathleen, I will miss hearing about Tom and Ben and Ginny, and I will certainly miss your wisdom.

Scarlett, thank you for sharing your amazing costuming creation.  I am so jealous of your skills!  (Also, I will miss Bun.)

Al, thank you for your friendship these many years, and for the mysteries.  

Chris, someday you’ll show me your beach and take me to Hobbiton.  

Andy, Paul and Patricia, maybe we’ll see each other at a UVA drama reunion sometime.  

Anne, maybe I’ll get to surprise you at a stage door someday.  

Jen, I will miss seeing your running triumphs; I still hope one day to actually meet you in person.  

Matt, I am so delighted when we get together in person.  It's like no time has passed at all.  I'll miss seeing you and Cathey's family updates.  A lot.

And on and on; I could say something to each and every one of you and this would go on forever.  Just know that you are all loved, and you will all be hugely missed.

I Wish I Still Lived In America

Coming soon to a former America near you....

I'm almost 65.  When I was born, Ike was President and it was "Happy Days" America.  I was seven when we elected JFK, and in the 4th grade when he was assassinated.  I was too young for the protests of the 1960's, but I got my licks in at University in the early 1970's.  Like I once said, I came of age in the magical time between the birth control pill and AIDS.  We protested Nixon and what we thought was an unjust war in Vietnam.  We protested Apartheid in South Africa and got our University to divest itself of investments there until Apartheid ended.  We lived in the richest nation on Earth and felt both proud and a little guilty about that.  I saw the creation of the Peace Corps, the creation of Doctors Without Borders, and other innumerable organizations based on kindness to others and on sharing what we had with those less fortunate than ourselves.  I wasn't always proud of my country, but I was always proud to be American.  I would travel to other parts of the world, and be glad at the end that I was coming home to the USA.

This isn't true any more.  And it truly breaks my heart.

I have mostly absented myself from social media this year.  I can't stand the hate and divisiveness; it's making me physically ill, a thing which I cannot afford to have happen, since I am already chronically ill.  I am sickened by the resurgence of bullying, of white supremacy by my neighbors, by politicians who are supposed to represent and protect my interests but look the other way at profligate criminal behavior.  We have the first President ever who did not make public his tax returns.  Who, more importantly, did not divest himself of his financial interests and holdings prior to taking office.  Who regularly profits off of those holdings and interests as a direct result of his presidency.  (When foreign diplomats and representatives stay at his hotels to curry favor, this is a direct violation of our constitution.  But the representatives in our government do nothing, and show no political will to demonstrate any kind of oversight with regard to these undeniably dubious dealings.)

I've been living with this depressing state of affairs along with the rest of us for months now.  I have seen America's standing on the world stage diminish as we become a mockery of what we used to be.  I've been to Italy and France since the election and total strangers ask me what in heaven's name is going on with America?  And I have given up on thinking that things can't possibly get any worse, because they always do.

First it was "very fine people on both sides" of the white supremacy issue.  Then "shithole" countries. And now the Commander-in-Cheeto wants a parade.

A Soviet-style, North Korea-crazy, we-are-the-champions military parade, down the streets of Washington, DC, complete with missiles and tanks and everything else except (possibly) goose-stepping elite soldiers.

This is not America.  This is not how America does things.  We should only use our military prowess as a final resort, after all else has failed.  We should never flaunt it just because the other guys do.  These kinds of parades are what you see in Moscow on May Day, to remind the former Czechoslovakia what could happen if they don't toe the line.

  How much do you wanna bet that he insists on this too?

America should never have to remind the world to toe the line.  We should lead by example, not follow the questionable examples of others.

To the rest of the world, I say that I, for one, am sorry that through a fluke of our electoral process, probably helped by interference from a hostile nation, we elected an insecure racist sociopath who has such doubts about his own masculinity and leadership that he has to stroke his ego with ... a parade. Why are we wasting all this money on massaging his ego (not to mention what it's going to cost to fix the streets, because he wants TANKS) when that money could be going to caring for our veterans, or better equipment for the troops?  It's being spun as a "thank-you" to our military, but our military doesn't want our thanks.  They want our support, which is an entirely different matter. What freaking country is this, anyway?

It isn't America, that's for sure.  Not the one I grew up in.  I wish I still lived there.  I hope maybe someday I will get to go back there again, but the prospect gets dimmer with each passing day.

Time To Say Good-bye

New year, new ideas.  You will have noticed that things have slowed down considerably here at the Citizen of Oa.  Since Charlottesville, I have been less and less able to cope emotionally with the downturn our nation has taken.  So I am taking my leave of most social media.  I will continue to post here if I have something important that I need to say.  I will have a minimal presence on Facebook.  I will for all intents and purposes be abandoning my personal account there.  Unfortunately, my duties as secretary for our local choral group, the River City Singers, include some maintenance of our Facebook page.  This of course necessitates in turn that I be a member of Facebook.  I will no longer be posting to Instagram for the same reasons.  (Really, does anybody give a damn about my vacation snaps or how my pie turned out?  I barely care myself.)  And I rarely Twittered.  I follow a few people of like mind, and have a blistering total of fewer than 20 followers myself.  Not a big footprint there, and no great loss to the world when I leave.  Again, I must preserve my accounts there until such time as our non-profit community chorus has actual money, and a real board of directors, and a proper secretary/director of public relations who can do a proper job in all of those places in support of our fledgling organization.

Parts of my Facebook experience have been immensely enjoyable.  I daresay I will miss searching for new images of vintage horror movie posters during the month of October.  This may be something I will continue to do here.  I have thoroughly enjoyed the ability to reconnect with so many long-lost friends from University, and from X-Philes Anonymous.  You folks in the XPA especially have no idea how much your friendship means to me, and how many times that friendship has, quite literally, saved my life.  I love all of you more than you know, and more than I deserve.

I simply can't take the toxicity of social media any more.  I can't take the stupidity, and I have come to accept that nothing I say will ever sway anyone from the Other Side to a more reasonable point of view, any more than I could ever be swayed myself to support the Cheeto-in-Chief in anything, ever.  The intensity of emotion and the heretofore unexperienced levels of actual hate that have become part of my life have to go away.  [EDITED 1/3/18:  I am not kidding here.  I had no love for some of the previous Republican administrations, Geroge W. in particular, because I believe in my heart that his victory in the 2000 election was achieved fraudulently; that the Supreme Court made the wrong decision when it ruled in his favor; that Gore caved in too quickly for the so-called good of the country, a crime of which Democrats and Liberals are guilty all too often.  But my emotions for the current administration include a deep and visceral hatred, truly.  It's doing me personal harm, on several levels, and the only way I can see forward to fight intelligently is to remove myself from the triggers.  Which probably means I will miss altogether the Tweet that starts World War III, but there you go.]

Those of you who have a similar frame of mind, continue to resist.  I am giving up on the internet, but not the resistance.  I will not stop fighting and struggling and resisting and giving my time, talent and treasure to the removal of the current monsters who think they are running things.  The winds will shift, and I will see it and help it to come about if I can.  But not on Facebook or Twitter or Instagram.  From here on out, I'm doing my talking in the real world.

Love you all.  All done.  Bye-bye.